There have been many times in my life when I have been overwhelmed by the task at hand. When I calmed down and made an attack plan, I both overcame my fear and accomplished the deed.
He is a manipulater, he knows how to push your buttons, he knows all your weak spots and will, when it serves his purpose, use them to his advantage. In addition, we codies seem to play the "what if" and self imposed "guilt"game, and, we look for every little glimmer of hope, whether it is real or precieved by us.
Me, I would trust your childrens evaluation of the situation, they are thinking with their heads, not their hearts. As I see it, the bottom line is... do you want a good relationship with them or a lousy relationship with your husband. It is your choice, your life.
I am sorry that you continue to struggle, have you considered therapy? Sometimes, in order to overcome our emotional road blocks we need professional help.
Get some rest, tomorrow is a new day, perhaps your spirit will be renewed and you can move forward, in peace.