Hi, Shooting Star,
It's called codependency. We all get it. I get it from time to time, especially at pivotal points, like you're experiencing now. There's that panic that still sets in.... could it be fixed? Am I exaggerating? Will he be totally lost?
I can't say that for you, but you probably can. I recently opened the door to my AXF because I was feeling panicky and Lonely (love HALT!!!) What I discovered is that despite his many desperate texts, calls, emails of undying love and remorse, now that I've resumed contact, he doesn't make any more effort than he ever did.
He still says "I'll call you later", and guess what? No call. No plan for the future, no recovery for him.
But it's really ok for me. Because now I see that if I keep pursuing him down this well worn path, I'll be VOLUNTEERING for misery. It has actually helped me to see him more clearly.
I'm sorry you feel so sad, stressed, and upset. I hope it passes and your way forward is clear.
Big hugs!