Hi HereIam,
I feel your pain. I lost my mother too last year after nursing her through her last year, she had lung cancer that spread throughout her body and left her completely helpless. She was 58 when she died and I still can't believe she's gone. We were soulmates, I adored her. The grief chokes me and I'm crying my eyes out as I write this. She wasn't an addiction counselor but her heart would have been broken if she knew how much I drank (I hid it well from her). But quitting would have made her proud. The irony in my situation is that she fought with every breath to stay alive, while I had been killing myself slowly with alcohol. The only thing to do with grief is try to use it as an incentive to make positive changes. easier said that done i know - incase i sound like a know-it-all i'm only on day 8, but i just wanted you to know you are not alone