Iamthird, so sorry to hear what you are going through. You must be devastated. In a different context I have experienced something of what you are feeling and I tried very hard to do the 'right' thing as a point of pride, so that later, when things got better, I could look back without regrets about my own behaviour. I imagined the abuse of others like a wave crashing against an immovable rock.
One day your children will appreciate and admire your courage; and they will make their judgements about your AH.
Please make use of all the support you can from friends and support groups and SR. Go well.