There are few words that could possibly comfort you in your grief. O am so very sorry to hear you hurt so bad. I've always believed the loss you feel for someone is a true mark for how much you truly love them.
I'm no expert and very green for sure. My mother was a drug and rehab nurse my entire childhood and all of her children have substance abuse problems. It is not your fault. We are wired that way
I'm new at this. I don't have the best advice. I'm sure your mom loved you tremendously. Don't be too hard on yourself. Take each breath with a little gratitude and know.she is always with you.
You're very lucky tohave found SR. I hope you stay with us!