it's good you are reaching out. I don't have good advice, but just to say do what you can to help, then make a plan to keep yourself sane and functional. My dad is in the hospital with DTs. I spent the week really worrying, all day freaking out- i could keep it up all day/week/year, but i have to make sure i don't lose my job/keep my head above water. i live in CA he is in NY- i may need to make decisions about his care- i don't want him to live alone- but i also fear losing my finances/life to trying to get him to care for himself better. wish he didn't live alone. anyway, i can see myself getting into a tail spin, which won't do anyone any good, so back to alanon. maybe that could help you, too. good luck and peace.