Rational or Irrational Fear
Hello everyone
As I have been saying lately things at home with my husband (my A) have been pretty good. He is almost 3 weeks sober now and has turned out to be a great help around the house. He's still looking for a job and that sucks but he doesn't dwell on the fact that it sucks anymore (or doesn't seem to anyway).
Here's my issue. I am afraid that he doesn't love me the way he thought he did when he was drinking. I have never known him sober (not really anyway) until now and my mother-in-law mentioned that she was nervous that I wouldn't feel the same about him now he's sober. I said no, no, no! We have the same goals, the same values, we LIKE each other. Well, now I'm nervous that he maybe doesn't like ME.
Maybe I'm expecting too much of him right now; I know he needs to focus on staying sober above everything else including me. But he spends so much time alone- while I'm in the house, in another room. He doesn't seem to want to be with me. Additionally, he sleeps downstairs on the couch. He did that alot when he was drinking (more places to hide the booze) but I guess I thought...I don't know. I guess some sort of intimacy would be nice- not necessarily even physical.
So my questions are: #1 Do you think this is normal behavior for someone recently sober? and #2 How should I refocus my thoughts on me when what I want involves another person? (ie. intimacy)
I have been trying very hard to detach myself and my behavior from his recovery and to focus on my own but I guess I'm confused about what I "want". I guess always had this issue. I thought I just wanted to grow up and marry a good man who balanced the chores and family-rearing with me. I thought I just wanted a husband and a couple of kids, a comfortable house and money to pay the bills. If I have this idyllic vision of how I want my life to be, how do I achieve some sort peace with what I "want" KNOWING I can't control any of the pieces and parts in it (except for me)? (By the way I only have the husband and the house right now)
Any thoughts?
Thanks as always
Glow