Addict/Alcoholic Behaviors
So - I've hesitate to post this here, for several reasons, one is that I'm not sure if my step-daughters behaviors are due to alcohol and/or drugs. Although I'm quite certain they are....
She's 20 and has a baby just over a year old. At around 6 months pregnant, she moved with her mom and boyfriend about 1300 miles away. We haven't seen her in quite some time and have never got to meet her son.
Last year, around Christmas time she told us that her son had been taken away from her. The story she gave was a bunch of BS, we called her on it but she denied it and it's been near impossible to get the truth from her. She did eventually get the child back a few months ago .... according to her, "they dropped the investigation". She and the father of the child were required to take frequent drug tests along with parenting classes. I'm pretty sure they don't require drugs tests for no reason.
Recently her boyfriend moved from AZ to OK while the step-daughter and child went to SC. Piecing the lies and partial truth I got from her, I believe they were evicted and had no options.....although, I sort of wonder if one of them is running from the law? Her grandmother (a professional enabler) paid for her to get to SC. That lasted about a week and she was calling us to wire her money. She says it was a bad situation. We wanted to help but we don't have money to send anyone.
She was able, somehow, to leave. She's now about an hour and a half from us. She's been here for a few weeks and we haven't gone to visit yet. Partially we're just too busy with holidays, and work, and taking care of our own baby. Besides the fact that even though it's not real far away, it costs money to drive there to see her.
She is the most ungrateful person ever. She has a sense of entitlement like I've never seen. She mentioned to her father that she needed some jeans to fit her. During another conversation he told her when we come visit we would buy her some jeans. Her response? "I really want 5 new outfits."
Really?! Me too. I'm wearing clothes that don't fit and are old as hell and not really appropriate for my job. I WANT lots of things.
If she was making some sort of effort to better herself it would be so much easier to help her when we could. We found a program in the area that will pay her rent, utilities, education, clothes for work, items for baby etc. Of course it has some requirements of her. She has yet to get the app filled out. She made time and got a ride to make sure she has assistance. One day she told her dad she had the app filled out and in the envelope, just needed to get to the post office. Two days later she tells me she need to make some changes and corrections to the app. Sigh .... this is her track record. I cannot believe a word she says.
If it weren't for her son, we'd be done with her. I'm concerned for him. Her dad is so guilt ridden that he's had stomach problems and a migraine for nearly a week. It's affecting us, we're grumpy, and tired, and worn out.
Since she got here she's asked us each every single day when we're coming to see her. We tell her we're trying to figure it out and we'll let her know. She calls the next day and asks again. I've snapped at her a bit.
She wants to know if we're bringing her son presents and what they are and ..... OMG. I have no idea what to do with her.
I brought it up at my AA meeting today. I really am trying to apply the principles to this situation. I feel like I've got acceptance of it and I've let go of her behaviors. What I cannot accept or let go of is the damage this is causing her son. It's not right for us to stand by and let something bad happen to him.
I'm so sorry this is so long. I've been holding it in for a while now and it feels good just to get it out.