I don't think it much matters what you call it. If you can't control your drinking and it causes problems in your life there's a good chance you're addicted, especially with your family history and behaviors you've described.
It is progressive-try to catch it before you've lost everything important to you as well as your health.
You'll get lots of support here on SR and many describe exactly what you do so you're not alone by any means. We're all struggling, but many have been very successful. A lot of us find it impossible to keep the promises we make to ourselves to cut back. It's actually easier to stop entirely than keep going through the cycle.
I think people that are dealing with drinkers give a lot of warning signals that it has to stop and your husband and his family are expressing them loud and clear. Once you reach their "last straw" there may be no fixing it-you see a lot of regrets here about broken marriages. I wish you the best of luck in learning to live without booze-it can be done
