Aphid

Hi everybody. Hope you are all ok. I would just like your opinions and advice please.

My mum was the typical alcoholic. Hiding drink around the house, in her bag. Drinking before she could go anywhere or do anything. Becoming nasty and violent and unreasonable to us and my dad when she was drunk. She eventually became so Ill she was malnourished and died as a direct result of her addiction. Many of my relatives on that side of the family are alcohol dependent and ill.

I do not drink every day. I do not crave or need to drink alcohol before I do anything at all in my life. I have alcohol in the cupboards at home which I do not touch. I can go out with my friends and family, have sociable drinks, get drunk and enjoy myself and their company with no issue or upset. Occasionally I have a hangover if I have drunk too much or not rehydrated before I go to bed, but there isn't usually a problem.

However. Sometimes, if I have drunk too much, and gone over a certain level of drunkenness, I get loud, irrational, say stupid things, don't listen to my husband, and can be unreasonable and argumentative. This has happened with my husband and my ex partner.

My husband has given me an ultimatum. Alcohol or him. He can't stand the way I become when the switch flips. The switch flips if I let my guard down and get very drunk. We have had no end of rows when I've been drunk, and argumentative.

There are more times when I have a drink, and the alcohol affects me, and I'm happy and fine, than when I'm unreasonable. But because of the times when I have turned into an a hole, my husband is very nervous and cannot relax around me when I've had a drink.

I have abstained for several weeks at a time. I have tried to moderate my drinking, and this works very well most of the time. However, a few days ago, we were having a few drinks with family, and my husband and I each had two measures of vodka, a glass of mulled wine, and two glasses of red wine. It was getting late, but we were still playing cards, and my father in law was still drinking his whiskey, even though our wine was done. My husband did not want or need another drink. But I let my guard down, and poured myself a whiskey. Tis resulted in me getting loud, and interrupting a story my husband was telling, as I didn't understand it. I wouldn't let it lie, and kept on and on, even when my mother inlaw was telling me to strop, and my hubby was getting irate. I saw only that he was being nasty to me, and he wouldn't answer my questions. I didn't swear, be aggressive or anything like that, I just wouldn't shut up and listen.

My husband is fuming because he says I lost control after all my promises to keep myself in check, and my mum in law says I was in the wrong cos I wouldnt listen.

This is the kind of thing that happens when I drink too much, and my husband says I never know when I'm going to get like that.

I argue and say if I keep an eye on myself, take soft drinks between etc, and know when to stop, which I do more often that not now, then I will be alright, and not cause him any hurt.

But sometimes I lose my control and take that extra drink. Because of my family history, my husband is concerned for me. Because of my personal history of kicking off after too much alcohol, my husband is nervous around me when I drink and sometimes tells me to shut up or quiet down, control myself , which leads to an argument, which then gets blamed on booze. We will have been out drinking together at these times, but his personality doesn't really change after a drink.

So am I in denial? Do I have a drink problem? Am I an alcoholic? I don't want to hurt my husband or lose him, Andy don't wants to be in this awful situation where he his angry and hurting because I have let us down and broken my promise again.

I have decided that it's best if I don't drink at all as that isthe only sure fire way for the switch not to flip, but there are so many times when it doesn't, andi am in control. What do I do! Please give me your opinions.

Thanks x