Not doing so well :(.
Jail soon. Very scared. Wish it was over. I am not trying to dodge consequences as I know I could have KILLED people. That thought scares me too. I just want off this cycle of fear and feeling sorry for myself. Maybe I should move into town....but then Im worried Im not strong enough to beeline it to a bar. But if I was in town I wouldnt be so isolated.....being bored, lonely and isolated are a known destructive pattern with me. I know the answer may seem obvious....I am just finding it VERY hard to help myself here and make changes. I recently got approved for disability...which is ok financially, I am just worried it will give me an excuse to sit on my butt. Busy is what I need and Im finding it very hard to do that with no deadlines, places to be, etc. Some people may have noticed I posted much on here lately.....that isnt a good sign. I guess I feel unworthy of help or support sometimes.