You can do it Sober
I have not posted in a year and a half. I do come here to read from time to time though. I just wanted to tell about the last couple years.
AA has saved my life and my marriage.
I am coming up on 2 years sober. January 18th is my anniversary. I am so grateful for the life I have today.
I didn't go to AA right away, I waited 6 months, and knew I would be drinking again soon, so I reached out for help from a family member that I knew was sober. He has been god send. We still go to meetings together a couple times a week.
I waited almost a year before getting a sponsor. I finally decided to get one as I felt I was stagnating in the program. I was going to meetings and not drinking, but not working the program. My sponsor has been wonderful. To anyone new to sobriety, I recommend getting a sponsor right away, do not wait! Anyway, my sponsor told me to start praying, even though I wasn't sure who or what I was praying too. I did, and it worked. I started praying more, and it still worked!
Four days after my one year anniversary, on January 22nd, our 22 year old son was murdered. I can not describe the pain. The people in the program were wonderful. The love and support I received was wonderful. Of course I thought about drinking. But I also knew that it would not help, and would make it worse for my wife if I were to drink. I did not drink. On the night of our sons funeral, a group of friends from the program showed up. These folks had never met my son, they were there to support me.
The news of my sons murder spread through the local AA community like wildfire. The following Saturday was the monthly medallion day at my home group. My wife came with me to see me get my 1 year medallion. The support she received from the members was fantastic. I can not say enough about these people.
The night of my boys funeral, a bunch of people were supposed to go to my mothers house after the service, but it became clear there would be too many for her small home. She called her pastor and asked of she could use the church. My wife and I were not members at the time. The pastor opened the church on a moments notice and set up tables and chairs.
My wife and I started attending service there the following week, and have been going since.
My wife told me that if I had still been drinking when our boy died, that it would have ended our marriage. She was right. I would have been plastered and would not have been able to be there for her, be there for us.
My wife also tells me she likes me know. She said after all these years we are finally friends. She made me cry. For the last two years I have been making a "living amends" to her, making up for the years of hell I put her through. We have a wonderful relationship now. We are working through the death of our son together. With our new found faith in God, and with the program, we are doing pretty good considering the circumstances. Most people tell us they are amazed at how well we are handling it. I usually simply respond with, "What choice do we have?".
I realize this is really long, but I am hoping this can help someone. The last year has been one I do not wish for anyone, but at the same time, it has been a year of monumental growth for me. It has shown me I can go through anything sober. I can stay sober no matter what the world throws at me.
I consider myself a newcomer to sobriety with only two years, but my advice to anyone just getting sober, meetings, meetings, meetings, get a sponsor right away, and use that sponsor, that is what they signed up for.
If anyone has any questions about my experience in the last year, please ask. My wife and I have to tell people all the time it is okay to talk about Ryan, our son. We want to talk about him. It is the same way we have talk about our drinking, it helps us heal and grow.