Trying to get back on the wagon
Hey
I figured that I should reach out for some advice or what not from those who understand what I'm going through and don't know me so I get more of an objective approach.
So a small overview of me. I started using marijuana, I say used because I never did drugs - I always used them to escape, when I was 15. I smoked everyday almost immediately after the first day. I was drinking with friends on the weekend around 14. At seventeen I found percocets and Oxys took off in my town, we all found them in the cabinet and would eat oxy 20s and I felt like I was at home. I stopped and them continued to smoke then did coke at eighteen for six months until I went to college then put it down to focus on school and play hockey (for which I was on scholarship for) long story short, I got over prescribed, started scoring Roxys, selling Roxys, and from 18 to 23 now I'm shooting dope. In the last year I have been in three detoxes, one long term treatment, and got 8 months before I went back. I AMAed out of the one detox but finally got clean, did NA, spoke at speaker jams and loved life. I made one bad choice and now I'm back to square one. I had that sweet taste of recovery and I want it back but have to break the cycle. I got out of detox a month of go and relapsed quickly. Now I messed up yesterday and my parents want me to go away. I feel like if I give up my car, bank, everything and live a supervised life and get dropped off at meetings, do an Iop or php, therapist, I can get back on the bandwagon. I really want too but going away ill give up a lot of things I care about. So what have other people done? I know once I get some days and get my confidence back ill be flying high again (without drugs).
Thanks for reading and hopefully for support and feedback. But what have other people done? I just keep digging a hole and I'm ready to climb out. I just don't wanna give up my career in the mean time and wanna be with my family. I am sick of what I keep doing to myself and those who care about me. But I'm tired if being a jerk and just emotionally spent.