The extent to which I was in denial is kinda scary. I somehow could block out any and all thoughts or suspicions that it was becoming a problem and somehow pretend it didn't exist. An example was my weight. After awhile of the body being able to handle the drinking and the excess calories, I finally started to put on stubborn weight that was and is hard for me to shed. People around me started commenting on my weight gain and puffy face, but I was so in denial that I didn't allow myself to connect the dots that the weight gain was caused by the alcohol, pill popping and crazy snacking that came hand in hand with these two things. Bear in mind I used to have a food/anorexia problem, so weight gain is a really big deal to me. I went on diets, starting exercising, lifestyle changes, all the while getting frustrated as to why the weight wasn't coming off even though I was still drinking. That's how much in denial I was.