We're all crazy at one time or another, what matters in the end, is do we change what is making us crazy, or do we continue on with the crazy?
I know how hard it is know you should leave but then have those 10 hour convorsations where our addicted love one spills their guts and we get to "see who the truely are". The problem is, that is the only time she appears to be genuine. If she meant all the things she says to you in those talks, and if she loved you as much as she claims, then why won't she end the affair, pick a date for counseling, and get the show on the road? In my experience, whenever someone won't set a date to start doing something, whether it is counseling, rehab, starting school, basically anything...it means that the person either isn't serious about doing it or isn't ready to change. Whatever her reason for stalling, please remember, your life matters too. Do you want to spend the rest of your life waiting for someone to put even a little effort into your relationship?
I'm happy to hear that through all this you have been doing things for yourself such as dieting and working out. It gets really easier to forget about our own needs and health (emotional and physical) when living/dealing with an addict.
The only person you can control is yourself. Since you can't change her, make the changes about yourself, so that you can be happy and healthy. Reflect on your past, and try to picture the type of future you want for yourself.
A saying that I always read here that really helped me start making decisions for myself was "If this is as good as it ever gets would you be happy living that life?". It made me realize I was dismissing what had happened in the past and what was occuring because I was constantly telling myself the future would get better. The truth is, it may never get better, and sadly, addiction is progressive- chances are it will most likely get worse.
Keep reading and posting. This is a great place to vent and get advice
