I think we should not underestimate the power of addiction even on... em... softcore drugs... well shipsia congrats on your decision to quit whatever drugs you where doing... I did not read the whole novel that you written there but I understand that you are using valium to counter the withdrawal... This is a very bad idea if you are self medicate but if your doctor gave it to you you should be very cautious with them as these are no joke. The last think you want is to fight your addiction with a new potential addiction.