I really feel like this time I want it for me but I also think I felt that way last time too. Went to a meeting tonight (mens meeting), got my white chip and just cried. I hate how I feel right now! I know its coming down but I feel sick to my stomach but can't throw up. I feel dizzy. The worst thing though is I know in the short term having a drink would take the edge off. I have to keep reminding myself that I would feel the exact same way tomorrow. Need to bite the bullet and do this thing.
I am so scared. Not posting for sympathy I just don't feel like there's anywhere else I can really admit how scared I am. I am terrified I'm not going to make it, that I will kill myself with this addiction. That I will never be happy in my life. I am just literally scared of everything.