thanks for responding, very nice to get a warm and friendly welcome!
i have actually been to my doctor back in september, had a chat about it all and had tests done- which all came back ok to my relief! he didn't seem overly concerned about me stopping, although he couldn't really offer much in the way of practical advice, and he didn't make it a big issue about wd effects and so on. basically he left me to my own devices as far as cutting down and stopping. am just really scared of taking that final step, though i really badly want to xx