Thank you all for the kind words. This community is always amazingly supportive and it really is so nice.
I am trying at this point to go one hour at a time. Still completely overwhelming. I'm at work stepping out every couple min to cry.
Probably the worst was this morning admitting to my gf that I had completely fallen off the wagon. Anyway I got in touch with my sponsor after a year and will be going to a meeting tonight. Again thank you all for the support. I desperately want to get sober