Am I toxic?
I just met a recovering oxycodone user a few months ago at school. At the end of the semester, we hung out and now text each other constantly and have hung out a bunch. I'm not sure how long he's been in recovery, but I assume over a year. He regularly goes to AA meetings and loves them.
However, I'm far from perfect. I used to dabble in plenty of drugs, but I stopped without any outside help - I got bored, over it, realized they were a waste of money, and started focusing on school and work. I have been in some weird romantic relationships that led to me prostituting myself (albeit only three times) in order to gain acceptance... although this was 3 years ago. I was sexually abused throughout my childhood and still live with my abuser. I still drink. A lot. And I often get veeery drunk. I'm 23 and beginning to tire of this lifestyle as well, and am suddenly interested in finding new ways to spend time and socialize.
For the past few years I have been majorly changing myself. I'm maturing, growing up, and understanding my own issues and confronting them. I really believe I'm on a path to become a successful and happy person... but despite this, I am still troubled and sink into waves of depression. I'm afraid my poor decision making and neediness will cause him to relapse if we become something. He seems very far away from ever touching anythig again... he's been to the bar with me plenty and never drinks or seems to even be interested. He loves his meetings and invited me to go. And I would possibly if I let go of my ego and my fears/embarrassment.
I really like this guy. I'd never let him touch a drink or a drug if I could help it and if he even expressed a desire to. I want to pursue a relationship with him and would try and understand what he's going through, and wouldn't label him an "addict," but as a person. But I'm not 100% healthy -- but then again, who is?
Any advice would be immensely appreciated!