Absolutely I understand this thinking. I did very much the same thing pretty much my whole life (which is waaaay too long to be thinking that way). People kept telling me "have no expectations" or "let go and let things happen as they will". I thought they were suggesting the impossible......for me anyway. It has taken me a very long time to rearrange my thought processes and I still fall right back into that distorted thought process from time to time. But when I do it well (have no expectations), I am neither surprised nor disappointed, elated or angry, etc. It just is.
I've finally realized that this is what "living in the now" looks like. I experience what I experience when I experience it. Do I plan? Sure. Do I have contingencies? Sure. Do I screw up? Sure. But when done well.....it feels pretty darn good......
So yes......I do understand that thought process and it is a very very very hard habit to break and a very easy habit to fall right back in to.
I'm still learning.........
gentle hugs
ke