Bob I felt much like you did and being here on SR was a lifesaver. I had PAWS for six months but the anxiety attacks only happened in the first few weeks whenever I got scared and had thoughts of drinking again just to end the misery and then grabbed hold of my mental self and said NO! and then my mental self would up the ante and cause anxiety.
I did not die from the anxiety attacks and had no Ativan or anything else not because I was afraid of taking them, but because I wanted to know when it was all over. But had I continued drinking I believe with all my soul I would have died last year. (I have been sober more than two years) I was at the point of not getting high and drinking about twice what you were, more than 30 units a day! (which for those uninformed a unit is one shot of hard liquor, one 12 oz beer, or one six ounce glass of wine)
I never gave in. See I was also under a docs care, and in the hospital for seven days of detox with them administering stuff like your Ativan to me, Librium I think and others. I had blood tests every month for three months by order of my GP. And even so I was anxious about three times like you describe and scared without the acute attacks a lot of the time for the first month. I think my fear of having another anxiety attack brought on the other two or three I had. That sounds weird to all but those who have been there.
I never had anxiety attacks before that I can recall. So it was definitely withdrawal over reactions to my fear.
Coming here was the best thing you could have done as it was for me. If you click on my name and then click on view more posts by me you can read some of my very first sober ones here. I was also going to AA meetings. Face to face was also a lifesaver for my first three months then I was OK and dropped all the AA meetings, counseling, and just come to SR to do a little payback.
The reason I am taking all this time is because I came here and was researching online to try to see if I was normal or was about to die from my withdrawals. I was also frustrated with the rule about medical advice here and that most would avoid even answering what I did above. The important thing is you have seen a doc and have him to call who already knows what you are going through and why. I kept asking like you too!
The most important thing is that to continue drinking will kill you and that lasts forever. PAWS does not last as long for most as it did with me. So my medical advice is to continue seeing the Doc regardless, and that most of what you describe seems in line with my experience too.
I am so glad you posted because I have read most saying they had a few days of detox and bounced back fine that I thought I was the oddball in the group. Others had serious issues a week or two after but none of the PAWS I did. Now more folks can get a grip on what Dee said so well, and what I am saying to add to it. See the Doc at the drop of a hat, but by the same token if the same symptom that you had before the Doc said you were OK comes again then do what he said to do and you should be fine unless something changes.
Welcome to the detox club. In a year you can belong to the one year and over club here. Know how I made it? Despite being as freaked out during it as you? Because no matter what, I was not going to drink again and have to start all of that all over again from scratch, not even once. And being the lazy SOB I am, I wasn't going to waste all the effort and pain I already put into my first weeks of sobriety. No regrets. Sobriety can be scary when we can suddenly feel our minds and bodies again.
One last thing if I haven't put you to sleep already. Two people come up to make a speech in front of 1000 people. One loves the rush and shakes with excitement because it gives him energy to really come across and think fast. He loves that people will see him vibrating with excitement. The other interprets the adrenaline rush as fear and the shakes as embarrassing and hopes no one notices he is shaking in fear which causes him to shake more.
The same stimulus for both, public speaking in front of a large crowd. Same fight or flight response for both. But each interpreted the response differently.
I bet this is your first real detox like mine was for me. I AM NOT GOING THROUGH THAT EVER AGAIN!
I think some folks who have gotten into the relapse mode stay only until they feel better a bit then start drinking again and have learned how to detox better.
Thanks for posting for others, and remember that you can click on your name and read all your posts here later and have a journal of your first years sober. They don't even have to be in threads you started, you can just see your posts, or mine, or anybody's here that way.