Hi and Welcome,
I had blackouts in the last months of my drinking too, and there is nothing more scary. Those are times that are forever lost to me and I will never know what I did. I'm glad you recognize that it's time to stop drinking.
Of course, it might be more difficult if your husband drinks, but you can stop drinking. This is something you must do for yourself, whether or not your husband is drinking. As far as going to the bar, I would definitely not advise that. I know for sure, it wouldn't have worked for me. I know it's tough to look at things like this, but early recovery is a time for lots of hard choices. I hope you decide to recover.
