Originally Posted by
dollydo 
I appreciate Secondwind's honesty, as a child I lived it, I was one of the many children who had no voice, whose mother was an alcoholic and a women who put men first, in her case multiple men, all of whom were abusive alcoholics.
I am so sorry you lived that dolly.
My honesty made me physically sick when i reread it.
I have been in denial for a long time.
I lost my oldest daughter from my neglect of her and AO drug abuse. She moved in with.her dad a few short months after AO had his first xanax binge. She was cleaning up the ketchup he spilled and he woke up choking on meatloaf and yelled at her to stop that her mother should me cleaning it up. I am grateful she got out and prayers she forgives me in time.
My teen son switches between shooting me looks of hate and shoulder pats of sympathy when he sees me cry.
My preteen daughter is a quiet voice that gets so lost in the chaos.
My forth child has passed... and i went for months not visiting her grave because i was so ashamed of myself.
My youngest.... knows AO's dealers by name and location and car.
I hate what i have done to them. I fear the damage that cannot be undone.
Sorry i didnt mean to take over the thread.
Your post spoke to me when you said you were due in march. My youngest was born march 16 2009. AO was high as a kite. The day i was to come home from the hospital i sat waiting and waiting for him to show up. He didnt answer phone for hours. I had AO's mother in the room with me trying to convince me he wasnt high.... just sleeping. Since then it has been hell.
You have to decide what is best for you and those little kids of yours. They and you deserve better though.
You dont have to give up on him - but you can decide not to be with him if he is actively using. A year of solid soberity might he a good start before you fully commit to him.
Sorry just rambling. My honesty has driven me to a dark place tonight... but there is light in all of this.
Carrie