"but i do feel like he needs someone to be there constantly since he is not making the best choices on his own i feel like i need to be there to push for him to make the right choices."
You can push, you can pull, you can cry a river, yell, bribe, ignore and none of these actions will make one bit of difference. This is an inside job, he is in charge and control of him, you are not, you never will be, you are not that powerful. In the throws of active addiction, the addicts first love is their DOC, that's it. Girlfriends, boyfriends, wives, husbands and children all fall somewhere behind in the pecking order....they are all the same, it is part of their disease, there are no exceptions, although we codies believe that "Our Addicts" are unique, yet in truth, they are not.
Cynical One's blogs can be accessed at the top of this page, click on blogs, search under her member name...read about codependency and enablers, read about addiction and families of addicts....knowledge is power, learn, if not for you, for your children, they will carry their childhood into adulthood.
I appreciate Secondwind's honesty, as a child I lived it, I was one of the many children who had no voice, whose mother was an alcoholic and a women who put men first, in her case multiple men, all of whom were abusive alcoholics.