Good morning BHW.
There really isn't anything any of us can tell you to help you make your husband better. But, I will say they are a lot of things you can do to start making your life better regardless of the choices your husband makes about his getting better.
For me probably the most important was that I am allowed to take care of myself, not only that but I'm allowed to take care of myself first.
This was also a really hard lesson to learn because if I was taking care of me I felt like I was abandoning my wife to her troubles, that I was being selfish, a bad husband and besides I was sure my love was enough to save her.
Needless to say, I was wrong. By the time I hit my bottom, that point where it is impossible to continue to live the way I was living, I was in as bad, if not worse shape than she was. I had reached a point where I would lie in bed at night and fantasize about being dead. That is not a good place to be. It really scared me because the next step was pretty obvious that I would act on the fantasy.
Once I started to focus on me and my problems rather than my wife and her problems I could finally take those first steps to recovery. I also figured out that by focusing on her problems and issues I could avoid looking at mine and trust me I had a boat load of them.
What worked for me was posting and reading here a lot, Al-Anon, exercising and getting back into meditation again. I also dida lot of reading on mindfulness, Al-Anon literature, Buddhism and alcoholism.
In a lot of posts on this forum you will see people refer to their A as their DOC, or drug of choice. I can't speak for them but i know that it was true for me.
So, on this forum you will read things from lots of different points of view, from different recovery paths and from different places on the recovery path. Not everything you read will apply or work for you at this point in time. Al-Anonhas a good saying for this. Take what you want and leave the rest.
Your friend,