Originally Posted by
LoveMeNow 
BHW, my recovery is not as strong as Mikes, lol, so...... you remind me of me in the beginning and thats not a good thing.
"Everyone else is the problem."
His family, his therapist, his rehab, him, his income, etc, etc....Can you see any role you play in this at all?? I say this with love and respect - If you truly want to help your husband, help yourself first. Many of us play a role, we make excuses, we blame shift, we deflect, we deny, we manipulate, we play arm chair psychiatrists, (much like our qualifiers). Keep reading and keep posting, it will help!! Have you read anything about codependency?? There is no more shame in being codependent then there is being an addict. The shame is if you don't seek recovery for either.
I don't think everyone else is the problem. I think H is the common denominator. He has misled his family, he prefers a therapist who is "easy on him," he doesn't want to believe that alcoholics can't turn back the clock and become "normal drinkers," he hasn't made an effort to get a new sponsor in our home area, he doesn't take his meds correctly, he can often be incredibly lazy and self-centered, he doesn't take responsibility for his actions, he isn't honest with himself or others, etc.
Obviously, it's not his fault that he has a PD - that was likely inherited and the result of his early upbringing (very angry father and super-lenient and inattentive mother). It's not his fault that he has depression and anxiety issues - again, those are also likely inherited and the result of his early upbringing. However, it is his fault for not seeking proper treatment for these issues and preferring the "magic pill" of alcohol or meds to (ha ha) fix the problem. I also blame him for acting impulsively and not waiting til he's calm to make serious decisions.
That said, I do think that those who are accepting large amounts of money (his therapist and rehab) have some responsibility to do their job. His current therapist is no more than a "paid friend" who gladly takes our money and likely makes her monthly car payment with it. She's the type whose only response to whatever she's told is "and how do you feel about that?" Is that worth $500 a month? lol