How a relapse means the worst Xmas Ever!!!
Hello all,
Been a little while since i've been here and that's my own fault. As of last wed. I had around 50 days sober. I had seen a doctor about anxiety and had the support of my sponsor going to as many meetings as I could and thought i was doing fairly well.
My father and I live in a town house in our hometown a few days a week to work till he hit retirement, while actually him and my mother built a lake house on Smith Lake here in Alabama and spend most of their time there. Well my mother happened to be in town for a couple of days at the town house, which normally would have been a pleasant visit.
See a few weeks prior to her arrival I decided to clean out all the clutter that my alcoholic mind had collected or squirreled away.....basically a spring cleaning of house and mind.....oh yeah and like most alcoholics a hidden stash of booze. I thought I had it all out till I found one bottle....staring me in the face in my room. I work as a chef and work was HELL that Wed. night when I got home and found it. I stared at it for the longest time and then my will caved and I became weak, pretty sure I cried as I drank it.
Well I ended up passing out in my recliner in my room reading a book when my mother who couldn't sleep came up stairs to ask me how my night was. Well the next morning I go down stairs to my mother and father on the couch....they are fully aware of the problem i have and were devestated and angry....this when on for a while.
I was invited to come to their lake house for Christmas....which has been awkward at times. Well I'm riding back to Decatur to the townhouse with my father and mentioned to my mother that i need to gather up my cat Chuck's things for the trip? .......(silence) She responds that he's staying there with her? Well this strange moment brought on the awful family pow wow.
To sum it up I have to move out of the town house in a week.....my credit isn't the best so thats gonna be fun? Have to hire movers? Or I was told to look into the Salvation Army for a bed....
I know I did horribly wrong with my relapse but I went to my sponsor and to a meeting with my group and admitted to them my relapse. Years ago my mother tried to OD cause she had depression and everyone bent over backward for a year getting her all the help she needed. This was my first and i PRAY TO GOD my last.....but i feel like cast out trash with no hope and my cat Chuck is like my child.....this is breaking my heart to be without him.
I've never felt so HEARTBROKEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! or LOST!
Hope everyone is having a better Christmas than me God Bless