Merry Christmas Zoso.
Like you, I used to hate Christmas because it was a reminder of the pain of Christmas's past and there was a hole in my heart that just couldn't fake it.
Then I began doing something good each Christmas, taking stuffed animals and small gifts to a women's shelter, donating food to a shelter, and sometimes just handing a single mom some money as she shopped for her babies...the more I did, the smaller that hole in my heart became.
These good deeds are not about me, I am not some saint and perfect person...these good deeds are what "I" needed to do to feel better, and the funny thing is that the more I did, the better I felt.
The spirit of Christmas comes from within each one of us. Passing it on through some small gesture is what Christmas is all about.
My the blessings of Christmas follow you through the new year and bring wonderful days ahead.
Hugs