hmmm, one year my parents had a big fight Christmas morning. My dad had worked all night and was way overtired. Not an excuse but.... At that time, I used to love to wear his tshirts and I had one on and had it pulled over my knees. He kind of snapped at me and my mom came to my defense because she always bought him new tshirts for Christmas. They ended up in a big fight and I always blamed myself for ruining Christmas that year. It was always easier to blame myself then thinking my dad was not the hero I wanted and needed him to be.
Christmas morning felt ruined. Christmas day was stressful because no one would talk to my father because we were all mad at him for acting like a jerk. That was our last Christmas all together. My parents divorced the following year. I viewed my father as emotionally and verbally abusive toward my mother. Maybe thats why I picked the battered woman's shelter??
Boy, I haven't thought of that Christmas in years and ouch, it is still painful. I never realized I am still mad at my dad for that day and how I took his shame for him.