Originally Posted by
emanresu 
I have no confidence, I feel really confused about who I am and why I'm so down all the time. I feel SO stuck where I'm at, and hurt by everything around me. I'm really disappointed in myself and feel like a bum because I don't have a job, but I am in school, and have been trying really hard but no one has hired me. Also, I always excelled in school and consider myself very intelligent, but my reclusive personality keeps me from succeeding in anything.
I highlighted what I feel are enough reason to go on...you ARE obviously intelligent, your writing alone shows that. So, despite the deplorable living conditions you're are temporarily stuck with, you do have the capacity to rise above it. One thing is certain: getting drunk will not help you in that quest. All it will do will temporarily numb you to what you find difficult to deal with, but I'm sure you know that.
You're story sounds kind of similar to that of Liz Murray, who's life was portrayed in a Movie called, "Homeless to Harvard." She became homeless because her parents were both Heroin/Cocaine addicts and alcoholics; first her Mom died of AIDS when Liz was 15, and her Dad moved to a homeless shelter without her, then died of AIDS when she was about 19.
She was a very intelligent girl, like you seem to be. Education and a desire to break the chain and have a life that didn't include the negativity of drugs and alcohol is what did it for her. Life is very tough for you now, yes, but there is always something to be thankful for. For you, your intelligence and desire to change your circumstances can eventually bring you a new beginning.
Please don't give up. I'm sure you have a lot you can contribute to the world some day. Try to stay focused on school. Perhaps you can go to the school's student services and they can help with an internship job.