Hi and welcome emanresu
I think a lot of us have felt the way you do now.
It's really important to remember tho - you won't always feel this way.
The other - really important - thing to remember is you *do* have other choices between drinking and drugging and hurting yourself.
Please check this link out - there's lots of reading and lots of numbers for help, all over the world no matter where you are....people who are trained to help and who can help point you in the right direction.
http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...ease-read.html
and look around here too - there's thousands of us...people who once felt hopeless and overwhelmed and swamped who managed turn their lives around.
Sometimes the start of that process is as easy as simply reaching out and letting other people know there's a problem
D