I am sorry you are sad.
Christmas is a tough time.
All the images are of happy families and lots of laughter and children and Santa and Nativity scenes with Mary and Joseph just happy in the stable (with or without donkeys and cows. If we listen to the pope, we have removed all the livestock).
So many people hate the holidays or at the very least, are stressed out!
Don't drink. It is your insanity talking. You can have a drink in the new year if it still seems like a good idea.
It isn't the answer. Feel your feelings, grieve and cry. You probably are a bit behind on the grieving thing. We either deal with life events, or drink on them and deal later.
Do you really want to do all this hard work again?
Big hugs to you Lilgolden.