thank you everyone who poste after I went to bed last night. To answer Trixmixer - it was just walking, not driving. Though I have 2 duis also - one from 6 years ago and one from 13 years ago. I no longer drive after drinking - that's at least one thing I've been able to control. I wish I could go to a doctor or some kind of outpatient rehab but I have no health insurance or means to pay.
When I say I might drink on NYE, I am certain I can keep it to a minimum. I always can - it's the next day after the first night that starts the problems - I feel hungover so I go get a 12 pack to ease the pain of it. However, I know I can avoid that, so I don't see too much of an issue with having a few drinkins on NYE, though I certainly agree it would really be better not to.
My mind works in this weird way where significant dates I can stick to better than just random dates. so, 1/1/13 would be a good day for me to officially start. I am certain I can stick to it this time because I want to now more than ever and I thank all for the support so far.
One thing I need to deal with is the guilt of the recent past - the past I'm still actually dealing with - past that is actually present. I know it's better to not dwell on the past, but it's hard. Does anyone have any tips for that?
this is a good time for me because I drove to my parents for the holidays and they don't drink, so I'll be here til tuesday night or maybe wednesday morning. they live in the woods so nowhere to walk to to drink and I have the willpower to avoid going into town. also just being here makes me mentally healthier than being at my apartment. anyway, thank you again everyone for all you've said.