tromboneliness

I get that. All. The. Time.

My parents -- especially my Dad (and you guys know what I have to say about him ) were very popular with their friends and most of my relatives. And the truth is, they were very intelligent, funny in social settings, and generally interesting people.

Nobody gets it when I try to tell them how tough it was, being my Dad's kid. "Oh, he loved you," they'll say. "And he was smart, he could fix anything, always kept us in stitches at family gatherings," etc. About the fighting between my Dad and his siblings, and my Mom? "Oh, you can't take that personally, that's just how they were." What are you going to say to someone who thinks that? "That's just how they were."

They have no clue what things were like at home. They have no clue about the fact that nothing I did was ever good enough, why were we doing this, why weren't we doing that. They didn't see the fits of rage, the constant belittling, etc., etc., etc. I don't have to tell you guys, because you know how it goes.

So basically, I tune out most of my family (not going to see ANY of them for Christmas, for example), and I avoid most of my parents' old friends. These people don't get it, and they aren't going to get it.

I even have to minimize contact with my sister, because she is in a state of abject denial about our childhood -- she thinks it was this Norman Rockwell scene. I have to remember that I am not crazy, that the stuff I remember was real -- I mean, give me a break, who would make it up?

People who weren't there to see what your home life was like... aren't going to understand. It's not really their fault, because all they saw was the public face. The private one, we know about that, but they don't....

T