Welcome Mrs Lamp - now you hate your life, you are in a position to change it. I agree that a Drs visit is best to make sure you go through withdrawal safely. I found it almost impossible say out loud how much I drank so I wrote it down so I couldn't lie.
There are many ways to get through the cravings. Read as much as you can on this site which if full of the thoughts of people who have been in your shoes.