Hi MrsLamp and Welcome!
Wow! Reading your post is like "de ja vu" for me. I also felt like two different people.
I told my husband I was like Dr. Jekyll/Mrs. Hyde. He said, "NO...You aren't a mean drunk your a happy drunk". No Matter...I was 2 separate people when I was drinking.
I have a wonderful job (working in a greenhouse) but I dreaded going to work when I was drinking. I also hated giving up my drunk time to spend with family (even my granddaughters)... I hated myself for feeling that way too. My life was centered around my drinking and I was miserable.
Today I am almost 4 months sober. I love my job...although now I wish I didn't have to work, because, there is so much I want to do to catch up on now that I'm sober.
Life does get better with sobriety, it takes work, but it is so worth it! You can do it too.
You came to the right place for help! Best Wishes! XOXOX