Hey and welcome, today is my day 20 and I'm still waking up to my surroundings, realising how much time I've lost to being drunk, feeling like sh1t and putting every effort into getting drunk again.
You're in a spiral, the worse it gets the more you feel the need to blot out how bad it's getting. You're right too, you probably don't hate your job, you're just aware that you're letting yourself down and colleagues are aware of it and that fuels the hate for the situation and the need to blot the whole thing out again.
You can stop and my heart goes out to you for where you are now, this site helps, you're not alone.