Hello, and welcome.
I just want you to know that you CAN stop. I did, and was a hopeless, lying, stealing drunk. I did whatever it took to get drunk. That was my passion and I associated with people of the same ilk.
I managed to hold down a freelance, lucrative job for many years but lost everything to alcohol. That still didn't stop me. I drank to the point where I could neither drink nor stop. It was pure misery.
I will have two years sober in two days. But, it took help. From here, from AA, from God.
Have you considered a recovery program? Yellow eyes is a serious sign that should be addressed. If I were you, I would see a doctor and be brutaly honest about your drinking.
Your post touched me, and I needed to read it to remind me of the life I left behind. I would not change my past if I could because it's made me who I am, a better person than I was. I now appeciate being given a second chance and my life is so much better.
My thoughts are with you. And I wish you the best.