Well just a quick update, I am doing a bit better today. Someone said in an AA meeting once that they had an "emotional hangover" haha - that's probably how I feel today. I'm not as crazy or hopeless but I am pretty tired and scared of what to do next. Sometimes the next indicated step is a complete mystery to me... So for now I am finally in a safe place, trying to tread very lightly with my boyfriend (VERY lightly) and giving myself permission to relax and read other posts / give support to my SR buddies. It's much better than being in tears. Thank God I made it to today. I really feel lucky to know you guys!! Thank you thank you all!!!
P.S. gratitude list will be part of my wakeup from now on. And prayer. Both before my feet hit the floor. I need that. Good ideas.