My drinking is getting out of hand
So i did it again. Got absolutely trashed and made an idiot of myself. $500 poorer (on just booze) and a night in hospital with a leg injury. Really asking myself what ive gained here.
Im only 20, and have had alcohol and drug issues since 16, but never sought help. Through 2011, i was smoking more than an oz of marijuana per week, often 2. I decided in the new year that it had to stop, i had gone from a sporty competitive swimmer to a jobless couch zombie. It was hard, but kicked that completely, along with various pill habits.
The last year, my drinking has been on the increase massively. Its taking a toll on my health and weight bigtime, and increased my cigarette smoking tenfold. I manage to hold down a good job, though is dangerous at times due to the nature of it, and my hangovers at work have put me in danger multiple times, including a 5m fall from a scaffold platform, which somehow recieved no injury and no one else saw.
Sometimes I have good weeks, and wont touch it through the week, but I cannot remember the last weekend I spent sober. And i often spend weeks at a time drinking every night.
The big problems arise when I go out. I allways have great intentions, to spend and drink x amount but after a couple, i drink like an fish.
Lately, I have been getting violent. This is the biggest worry. Ive never been a violent person. and im a big boy, no one should have to contend with a big drunken idiot. Its not that i go out deliberately looking for trouble, i just have no self control, i could be having a happy drunken conversation and the slightest thing will set me off. And I usually dont remember it.
About 1/2 of the social drinking events ive been to this year I have been "that guy", that gets messed up and causes a scene. I dont want to be that guy.
So yeah, its out, I have a problem.