What recovery is to me.
Recently I was asked to sponsor a man who has been in the program for many years and for whom I have nothing but respect. After discussing his reasons for wanting to go through the steps again and as this is not his first time through the steps, I decided that before beginning again, we do some eleventh step work.
Meditation is a staple of my recovery and I feel it is often glossed over within the recovery community; meditation practice is simply not part of the Western psyche. We spoke about it, he was willing, and so I sent him home with some basic breath meditation instruction under his wings. I asked him to practice for thirty minutes a day for a week and we would meet again at that time.
For those unfamiliar with breath meditation, it basically just consists of being aware of the breath - paying attention to the breath as it goes in and goes out of the body. There is more, but it is a starting point. The trick is, one often is distracted along the way and one typically finds oneself thinking about something else rather than paying attention. What one does then is simply to return one's attention back to the breath.
A week came and went and we met up. He was disheartened as he "just couldn't seem to do it" though he was willing to continue trying to succeed. He explained that he was constantly distracted by random thoughts and so, failed. I asked him if, when he discovered that he had been distracted, did he not return his attention to his breath and he assured me that he did but that it was alot of work and it seemed that he had to refocus and remind himself to pay attention one hundred times or more during every thirty minute period.
I explained that successful meditation is not the lack of distraction but the commitment to bring your attention back when you realize it has lapsed. And then it struck me; meditation is a perfect metaphor for recovery. Since this is the 'What is Recovery?" forum, I decided to post here.
It's progress not perfection. I am an addict who has decided that I want a new way of life. Like all recovering addicts, I began with no experience in this new way of life. I hear so many addicts and alcoholics think they have failed to get recovery or are failing because they thought about drinking or using, or because they failed to feel gratitude, or because they lacked patience and got angry, etc.
That is not failure. When I realize that I am not living up to the spiritual principles that I aspire to, I bring my attention back to that place. If I am in the midde of an argument and realize it, I step back, apologize and find the peace inside of me. When I realize that I'm harbouring anger toward a person, place, thing or situation - I bring my thoughts back to acceptance. When I catch myself in a negative mood I look for things to be grateful for.
Recovery, to me, is simply about the practice. If I'm practicing bringing my attention back to recovery whenever I realize that I've lapsed - then I'm practicing perfectly and I've got recovery. It really is the journey - at least for me.