Thumper

First to answer your question - yes it does get better. It might get a little worse at first (depending on what he does) but it for sure gets easier/better/more clear.

This part struck me. so hearbroken over his feelings. What are you feeling? We all have moments that just strike us and I'll share one of mine.

It was the last months that my ex and I were together. I had filed for divorce, he went to rehab, and I reluctantly agreed to have him move back home after rehab and he relapsed. I was rocking the boat now and he went off the deep end. He would spend HOURS screaming at me and berating me at night. All night long. Ripping things up and yelling about what a bad, mean, disappoiting person I was. Destroying my kids and my family etc. I would not utter one word. I would stay in bed and try to just be quiet hoping he would stop. I couldn't leave my kids at home with him. It was truely awful and in hindsight I can't believe I didn't force him out one way or another but I was not very healthy then. To the point - one night he drove off (to get more beer somewhere and come back and continue ranting) and I got out of bed and sat by the window and watched him leave and cried and cried. Finally I cried but I was crying for HIM. I was so enmeshed in him that I was completely detached from my own feelings. I knew I was miserable but at that moment I could not have answered how I really felt. I wasn't crying for msyelf, I was crying for him. I couldn't save him. Poor him, my heart was breaking for him. He was drunk and ranting mean awful things at me for hours and I was crying for him??? I felt nothing for myself. It struck me in that moment just how messed up that was. I started seeing a counselor and she was worth her weight in gold.

That is not a healthy way to interact with another adult. When our emotions are connected by a tether to someone elses, when we co-opt their feelings, that is the crumbling of healthy emotional boundaries.

Yes, exactly.