Hi all
Im not sure where to start, because not all of how i feel is about my A, but i think i can see a pattern emerging, so canu help me out.
At the moment im feeling so angry, resentfull and horrid.Its mainly directed to my A. I havent seen him again for over a week, although he has stayed in touch by the phone, most days , but at the moment he is just realy winding me up.
I think alot of my anger at the moment , is because of this , My mums just moved back down to where i live, she left when i was just 14, because she remarried, and kids were't part of the deal, i had to go in to a bedsit and try and cope with living on my own, bring myself up, and just try and stay on top of things.
Well i did all that ,we still stayed in touch by phone , and i went on 2 marry a abusive voilent husband, divorced him , brought my kids up with no surport from my mother, and now she's back here, and wanting to play happy famlies, she wants to be here every day, phones me on my mobile if im not at home , to tell me that they are sitting on my doorstep waiting for me to get home.
And i just CANT DEAL WITH THIS, ive told her that i need time to get use to her being back , and that i want my space, but all it did was to make her feel guilty, and tell me what a crap mum she no's shes been.Im so close to telling her "yes u was ", and then i feel guilty.
Everything is just getting to much , I resent myA, and am quite sure he could be playing around , im angry with him , and my mum, and i dont no what to do with all these feelings.
Am i wrong to feel this way, should i just be able to forget the past , and move on, i wish i could ,i dont hate my mum or my A,i love them both , but theyVE caused me so much pain and heartache, yet i cant cut either of them out of my life.
At the same time i know i cant carry on with things the way they are, Mum coming back has pulled up so many unwanted memories, what with my A, and worrying about my kids , i feel like im at the end of my tether
Any advice u guys can give me on how to handle all these different emotions, and get my balance back, would really be helpfull, I know that if anyone can give me some clarity on all this , its you guys,
Thanks for listening , it helps just telling u all .
loads of love spin
