Originally Posted by
nano 
I would also like to know how effective rehab has been for many people. It seems to be not very effective given that 95% are drinking again within a year (is this a true statistic?). Is it worthwhile? This facility costs so much money! Not that she is not worth it, of course she is. But at my age and stage I have working for 40+ years so that my children could be educated and have opportunities I didn't. Now I am paying for rehab instead of taking a vacation or putting money in the bank for retirement (ha!) and I resent this so very much. But I also love her with all my heart and would do anything to save her from this wretched disease. What am I to do?
Thanks for listening.
Rehab, unfortunately, does not make the problem go away - that's your daughter's job, so the effectiveness of rehab depends upon her commitment to getting better. That said, rehab will give her tools she can use, show her where and what kinds of help are available, and in the words of a recovered addict I know, "Rehab took all the fun out of it because after that, every time I used, I knew *exactly* what I was doing and who I was hurting and why I needed to stop."
In short, rehab for most isn't a "suddenly everything is all better" sort of cure.
That said, I am a big believer in rehab. It will let *you* have some space without the usual drama (so you can re-center yourself), it will bring her face-to-face with some hard realities, and when she's ready to get better she'll know her options.
Just don't expect rainbows and kittens right away, you can't really put a time frame on this. It's more a story like the Colorado River and the Grand Canyon. And then of course the story of how long it will take... XABF died in large part due to complications of his whiskey addiction, but I am told he was sober and active in AA at the end, and I believe a lot of that was assisted by what he learned in rehab. He didn't start working on true sobriety until after our relationship was destroyed beyond repair, but he found it in the end.
As for the letter, I'm sorry, I cannot help. I don't really know the right things to put in the letter, perhaps you should simply write one with everything you're feeling (to get the feelings in the open), then wait a bit before writing a simplified version? I don't really know. I do believe keeping the focus of the letter on YOU and YOUR feelings rather than focusing on her will help, though, as it will not only be more focused on truth rather than finger pointing, by also YOUR perspective is something addicts don't generally consider and it will help take the focus off her and onto who she affects.
I did want to weigh in on the rehab, though. It's something I feel strongly about.