Hi maghrebia,
In my experience with my xbf, I could not tell him how much to drink or whether or not he could drink. That never worked, neither did nagging, begging, pleading or anything else. Trying to police it doesn't really seem to work and causes a lot of strife. He would hide his drinking from me sometimes too. Eventually we broke up but we weren't even living together so I had a lot less invested than you do. If you want to stay with him, you will need to work on a way of coping with what he is doing.
Al-anon sounds like a good idea for you, also you might want to read the book "Codependent No More" by Melody Beattie.