Wow so much good advice. Got to give a shoutout to the chat part of this website. Someone last night, i don't know how, gave me a shred of willingness. I am going to a meeting to get a sponsor today. I am so scared as i have so much to do but am thinking positive now. Who knows bout next week. I am speaking to a therapist and scheduled something tomorrow, we will talk through these things. I am usually not that depressed cause i stuff feelings a lot but lately been impossible with the girl of my dreams in my life that i threw away. Ugh.
Today is a new day and i do have a shred of willingness. I am holding on to that. Thank you all and happy holidays!
PS i quit caffine last two days, calms me down quite a bit and can feel more which i need to do now. I don't want to allow myself not to feel any more. Must accept the feelings in the moment.