Originally Posted by
kiwi1971 
Jeepr,
I'm going to take a different tact here, mainly because there are a lot of details missing. The thread is a lot about you and your feelings / frustration and not really what the true source of your feelings are.
I don't know the circumstances of why you pushed this girl away and whether with a good heart felt apology and conversation you could fix it but it sounds like the break up was the source of your frustration and depression. If you love her and can openly, honestly and sincerely address and apologise for what happened then perhaps there is a chance for reconciliation?
I don't know if this is what you want or what will help but I do know that people who are truly remorseful and beg for forgiveness with sincerity and integrity stand a much better chance than others.
It will take courage and conviction and must be authentic but if you think this girl is the source of your troubles then I challenge you to give it a try. Don't make any excuses for your behaviour, accept responsibility, don't put any of it on her (even if its gets heated), just accept and take ownership for your role in what happened.
It may work, it may not but I think you will at least get some closer, perhaps some good advise you can take away and apply in the future, or if you are lucky...a second chance!!
I'm not an overly spiritual person myself but there is some great advice and support in the previous posts. Maybe god is helping you.....
I did do just as you suggest and go back. I explained the situation. She is also in the rooms (which is another reason i realllly liked her, didn't have to worry about going out to bars etc) but i think she recognized i was broken. I pushed her away because i got cocky and i walked with confidence for the first time in awhile. I then decided she wasn't right for me. Truly to be honest i maybe feeling all these things for her because i am so lonely though it is a much longer story cause after i broke it off with her there was some communciation on craigslist and was unsure if it was her. I think i argued with someone pretending to be her but feel in love through this. So frequin confusing. I did confess everything (wanted to in person but she only accepted text). I told her i still want to be with her and i do have problems and have seen them, it was long and heartfelt. I think she is still angry over the whole thing but said that we need space maybe in future we can be friends. I was crussshed. Truth is i really am not ready.
I am sure that cockiness will come back and i will have less feelings for her and may do something stupid again. I don't know what i am feeling any more becasue for a week or so every other day i liked her then I didn't. I didn't even know her that long but was such a strong bond. I saw her 8 years ago and feel for her but never did anything and i saw her at a meeting recently and said something and it started from there. I want to show up at her door and talk desperately but at this point i am beginning to look like a creep. Before i even think of doing that i should give it a month i think.
Quite the story :P