Originally Posted by
Anna 
First of all, good for you for speaking about the sexual abuse from your uncle and refusing to be in the same room with him. That's powerful!
And, you're doing the right thing to allow your son to have them visit for his birthday. Beyond that, you need not say anything until you are ready. Stay strong.
With Anna on this.
This situation needs to be handled the way you want it to be.
You need to take control and regain power.
You say if you want to discuss it and when you want to discuss it.
You say even if his name is even allowed to be mentioned in your presence.
They (your uncle and parents) are not in control and take away their power.
If you want to press charges then it is your choice to make.
It will make you feel ten feet tall.
My therapist once told me that my parents were not being hurtful in a similar situation to yours, but DID NOT HAVE THE SKILLS TO COPE, DEAL WITH OR RESPOND TO THE SITUATION.
If they said or did something which I found unsupportive or made light of what I went through, I remembered there lack of skills and I actually felt quite a lot of pity for them. They were not equipped to deal with the situation.
It also led me to realise there were not many situations they were equipped to deal with that required empathy, tact and understanding.
How do you deal with your uncle in such situations?
Do you glare at him? Do you ask why he thinks it is okay he is attending? Do you make him feel uncomfortable and turn him into a quivering wreck as he deserves?
The counsellor who I met with was amazing.
No other words.
She made me see that these dirty pathetic men had turned me into quivering wrecks.
And of course that would have happened. I was 11 years old. Now it was MY turn to turn them into quivering wrecks if I wanted.
After years of confused feelings that turned into family rows when I tried to ask questions and wanted to know why they seemingly 'let' things happen, I will talk about it if I want. If MY permission is not given for it to be talked about then it is not talked about.
It did not happen to them, it happened to me.
I decide what happens next.
I also will take a personal stand. If anyone talks about home tutors I am fully prepared to say why I disagree with leaving an unchecked stranger with my child for an hour. Safety is paramount over education. And I am sorry if that makes anyone feel uncomfortable. Some dirtbag made me feel uncomfortable for years.
You can take a stand too. What do you believe in?
Please, please, please find a counsellor like I had. I want you to feel ten feet tall too........like I do xx