You want it tough,huh? I'm not known for "tough" but here goes......
Go ahead and go back to him. Keep on doing the same thing over and over again to try to prove that doing the same thing over and over again is NOT the definition of insanity. Open your heart again to someone who has shredded it before and hope they don't do it again.
I remember telling my brother (who is wonderful therapist) about my trials and tribulations with someone I loved who was tearing my life apart (from my perspective). He listened patiently and when I was done with my tale of woe, he simply said "Sis, go find some homeless stranger downtown, hand him a brick, and let him smash you in the head with it." I said "Well that would be stupid....why would I want to do that?" He gently replied "Because it would be less painful".
I thought about it for a while (still thinking that he was a pretty crappy therapist) and it finally dawned on me. I was handing my "emotional brick" over to someone I didn't trust and I was allowing them to bash me in the head with it.....over and over and over again. I don't hand my emotional brick over to ANYONE I don't trust with it.
Hold on to your emotional brick.
gentle hugs
ke